Inside cover - undated. A note from Maud Michaelis

"When I don't act as If all you've done for me makes an impression - you're wrong.

It's just that - time goes on and the world takes other perspectives.
The memory of your kindness stays with me now as it will always.
The loneliness is loneliness we share ... as it was meant to be - There are times each bears the burden of his separate loneliness in solitary struggle.

Sometimes I resent your outgoing and action oriented loneliness as much as you dislike my sedentary anguish.

Forget never the love I hold for you - a surfeit of your kind and gentle administrations of countless manhours of steady influence."

Weds February 19th 1969

"Well, I was on my way to the draft board [144] when the old vehicle gave up the ghost at 1:30. Got a ride from a stray triple-A truck. Then we stopped to help another fellow and his friends change a tire (needed a different lug wrench). Finally on the way ... I hope I make it to my draft board in time!!"

"Rutherford stepped down from leadership at a meeting that I attended by chance. He was very sad, a broken man (AFT)"

"Mexican Popular Art - [Prof] Freimark

naked man facing left arching his back naked man facing left arching his back extended arm with hand geaturing to the left

Mr. Freimark seems to take things from the 'Grand influence of the White Man' attitude."

Thursday February 20th

"not a single day goes by that Maud and I aren't angry at each other - but it's nice afterwards in the make up period!."

"This morning I wrote two pages inspired mainly by the death of Mr. [professor] Collins"

Friday February 21st 1969

"Silent time
with staring eyes
was in the room
and, in my hands
then, I was only thought;
and I was halfway
back to Eden"

"Saunter at a fast clip
down to the snake pit"

"Sometimes, silence is a great communication"

"Justice - complete enforcement of law:
    denying moral conscience
    many inequities
Racial inequities:
    Discrimination by color
    Looking 'different'
Pure inequities:

Policeman desireous only of
power to main destroy
Ability of those inpower to
use the law as a private weapon
Denial of right to be an
individual (draft)"

"I am not considered a person capable of moral decisions. I suppose the Pharisees considered Christ an upstart too. But must lose all rights in order to exercise my conscience? I am forced against my will to hate people whom I have never seen: I have never seen a communist hence I cannot dislike what I have never seen. But I have seen capitalists and capitalism in action and the misery it produces, so that I can hate it as a concrete thing"

Saw Rich Favorito today: he'd shaved his beard and looked completely different; retained his mustache; wrote our address in his little all-purpose book (sketch, address etc.). All in black: shirt, pants, still his old "O yeah" self

Saturday February 22nd 1969

Did my first watercolor... the steel factory in Union City. I love its massive structures and planes.

Dinner at Caesar's Chicken

Dr. [Louis B.] Leakey at Washington Union High School [tonight]. Just remembered my Mastadon Tooth at University of California [School of Paleontology]. Maud and I will have to go see it.

drawing of doctor Leakey seated on the stage What does Dr. Leakey look like? Colossal with flowing white hair and beard with eyes that push you over backward with their intensity[?]

Dr. Leakey arrives midway through drawing to a round of applause. drawing of doctor Leakey facing right, smiling He is older because of some disability. Came in on arm canes. The auditorium has a great silence laying upon it - a great presence. An old man on the stage scratches his forehead - he is only human. [Notes from Dr. Leakey talk] Highly developed [human] mind resulted in the Atom bomb. biological warfare. Man will become extinct if we do not use our power of thought and reason. Solution: Say we will not allow insanity of man's evil creations, bombs/biological warfare, to destroy himself. Build public opinion.

Killer instinct? Only in 'civilized' man. 'Un-civilized' men do not kill members of human community i.e. Masai, Aborigine. Over population, greed creates war - man not a natural killer. An unnatural trait. If we spent 1/4 of what we spend going to the moon we would have progressed many times more than we have now.

Drawing of doctor Louis B. Leakey, autographed [I sat in the front row and drew six separate portraits of Dr. Leakey. After the talk I approached him and asked him if he would sign one of them] He said, "I saw you very busy there". I was so shocked that he had noticed me drawing and taking notes that I became flustered and handed him my journal with the page turned to the least flattering of the portraits.

"My, you sure have made me look old!" he exclaimed and signed the drawing.

A closing note in my black book from Maud -

May 5, 1971

And, so I fear
My Dear
The time is here
That I finish this
confused book

I met you with a loving look
Your innocence I took
So many years ago
Your growing time is almost done
- displayed here in this book

Your love I took
with that first shy look
And I've kept it ever since
To want and wait
for this ripe time
to finish up your book

The years melt by
like a lonely sigh
But one thing now is clear
We shall remain
I hope retain
that one shy loving look

Your arms so long
Have kept me strong
Your lips like dates
Have sealed our fates
And fate can do no wrong!

Salute to us
On a brand new start
and take to heart
a brand new start

That leads us on and on
To lillied valleys
Rocky gorges
But never forget
The smile that forges

A new and dawning life of two
Just man and woman
Just we two

And never forget the strength that saves
That new world faces
what woes it braves
The oft-called inner confidence
Of loving good resilience

Through pain and sorrow
Hope will spring
And ever more of joy
will bring

To each our lives
will teach
Love brings us,
wings us to the beach
Where Libra's air
meets Scorpio's sea
And there on sensuous
Earth we'll be
together you with me

If ever any doubt should spring
Between you, man, me woman
I hope this one short
poem should bring
us to a common ground
The ground of you and me
Together a deity

I fear I lack the words I need
to bring the feeling of a mountain spring
I fear, your sight - your
reach-out eyes that wonder
wander round -
Have taught - are teaching
my poor eyes to look above
The solid ground.

My inner heart wells
up inside - to know
you've brought me such
a glow
To reach, to touch,
I know, I know

But seeing, doing you've
taught me
A poor sense of action
Is with me - I'm a
sensor, thinker, watcher
Never seer.

But you're here
Within my breast
I know This best
We've grown - with each the other
You to know the inner rhyme
Me to love to wander.

I finish now
The words you started
and sum them up
this way

A man was meant
to teach the wonders
A woman was meant
to make them work.
We've a long time until
The sun dries up our beings
Many tides will come and go
ere Time sums up our lives.

Let This be said:
Man plus woman ain't so bad.