On way to Mac World [Expo]
A month or so ago went with girls to Discovery Zone - they played their hearts out for 6 hours while I sat and read and drew and talked - usually we are at each others throats - they really need to move constantly - they seem incapable of sustained interest in anything.

I stopped by [McKinley] school to see Carrie and Sarah at [after school] recreation...ONCE (this entry not completed, finish later)

January 14th, 1994

[We went to Marine World in Vallejo Jan 14th] Carrie at Marine World Vallejo 1994


[Took Carrie and Sarah to the Children's Discovery Museum, San Jose] Sleeping boy at Children's discovery Museum San Jose
This boy slept in his stroller while his mother helped his sister glue together stuff in 'the junk stuff' room


Cinnabar Restaurant in Calistoga after working all night with Will at his rental house at Knights Valley Ranch (on Sega Pockat Arcade Game Eternal Champions characters) - A beautiful mist filled morning, after a mysterious dark night filled with distant sounds of geese and owls - not even the whisper of a migrant wind - Mt St Helena a massive dark shape against the star lit moon glow splashed night sky. Called R. Bloom from Will's and described the range from the window of Will's computer room.

A most excellent breakfast at Cinnabar [in] Calistoga.

3/?/94 (not dated)

Your hand upon my arm
(and I with a steel rod in my heart)
my children fell asleep like that
but that was so long ago.

I was not acquainted
with that kind of pain
that I feel now
having finally found
the love I could have known
so many years and so many sorrows ago.

You clung to me
for those few precious seconds
(was it a quivering with fear I felt?)
eyes hidden in torrents
of loose flung hair
then turned,
your hand a million miles away

as once again
I understood what it meant
to be alone.

(Written at Val's [Restaurant Castro Valley])

April 20th, 1994

[Phil Frank, creator of the comic strip "Farley" gave a talk at the Coyote Point Museum in Burlingame California. Cartoonist Phil Frank drawn live while speaking at conference, autographed by maurice sendak I sat near the back and drew him as he talked. Afterwards I asked him if he would sign the drawing, which he did. Phil had the coolest studio space...the wheelhouse of an old San Francisco Bay ferry boat which was moored in Marin County. He was selling copies of his latest book of cartoons, but I didn't have the money to buy one; he kindly let me take a copy home, trusting me to pay him, which I did later by mail. A very classy fellow.

I loved the bears in his strip, which lived under the Fog City Diner and vacationed in Yosemite.]

April after the 20th, 1994

You passed before me, a stranger.
your hair is redder now
the effect of henna
now that you no longer need
waste your time on me.

It is the same face,
the same eyes
I once looked deep within.

I see you smile the same smile
teeth framed by red rimmed lips
that used to press against mine.

The same long elegant hands
and tapered fingers
you now use in obscene gestures
that once entwined in mine,
ran through my hair.

I thought there was no thing
about you I did not know.

Early May, 1994

There are too many evenings
in an uncounted row
spent before the picture window

watching my past
hung in space
at an undefineable distance
like a clear plastic
computer generated
see through teleprompter

cutting and pasting
re writing the dialog
changing the scenes
for more acceptable endings
redefining the arguments

wiping the ugly sour look
you wear now
building a new you

I can make you walk left
walk right
entwine your hand in mine

but usually the truth breaks through
with the sudden jarring clarity
of an unwanted and unexpected flash bulb.

May 20th, 1994

[Before my friend Joe Bahris married Jett, a few friends took him out to dinner. Sign painter drawn live while at dinner with some friends I drew Joe during dinner by VERY low candle light...maybe that's why the drawing looks a little fuzzy. I'm still not sure how I managed to do it in the dark.

Joe is a sign painter specializing in gold leaf. I worked with him restoring the ceiling of the dining room of the Cliff House restaurant in San Francisco, after a massive storm damaged the windows and the waves kicked up water into the dining room, some 60 feet above the water! The work was all done after the restaurant closed until 6am. It was a bit like doing the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

The next year, there was another storm. We went back and did the work over again.]

June 6th, 1994

[My daughters Caroline and Sarah watching a parade on Parrot Street in San Leandro during the annual Cherry Festival.] my daughters caroline and sarah watch cherry festival parade

July 16th, 1994

Master Gardener Conference - Overwhelmed by profusion of MG logo on shirts - bags and flags - positive response except from Dan Pratt [Sacramento Bee columnist who wrote What's Bugging You column every other week - I illustrated the column in the alternate weeks] who sais it looked the hoe was chopping the poppies - held up logo [before conference attendees] and pooh-poohed it to the whole conference during his talk - but many came to me later and said they thought his actions were uncalled for - otherwise response was totally positive - Calaveras co. [MG] program coodinator asked to use [my MG] grad certificate [design] in Calaveras co. Went on a dinner cruise at 7:30pm [at Sacramento Old Town]. Quite romantic - but no one to romance with, alas! 1994 Master Gardener State Conference Logo, Hoe with handle and Poppies 1994 conference Certificate of Appreciation

October 21st, 1994

[Went to a Security and Home Theatre trade show in San Francisco with my friend Bob Nelson and drew Roger Craig and Brent Jones of the 49ers] Roger Craig of the fourty niners football team

December 11th, 1994

"Last Saturday went to pick up the girls...raining cats and dogs...took Benedict Ave. offramp but over pass was closed. Had to detour all the way to Estudillo. Got back almost to Sybil when left rear axle broke and the wheel fell off. Ran to a phone in the [pouring] rain but by the time I rang K's phone, she had left [and took girls].

Was stuck from Sat. til Thurs. at Greg's...he paid for repairs and got mad at me for 'not getting it together' (as if I wanted it this way).

When I got back to Margaret's (finally) found a message from Katharine (very angry) for 'disappointing the girls' (as if I did it on purpose). She said I'd "done it so many times" - completely forgetting that I can no longer tuck them in at night, study with them, read to them [ their good night stories], she has prevented me front seeing them at school...

It is Katharine that has been cruel, so very cruel, in separating the children and I from each other. I have tried to restrain my feelings and emotions - but I am tired of having been tried and convicted without the right to confront my accussers - my name has been dirtied without even the opportunity to defend it - for all intents and purposes, Katharine has gotten away with the murder of her family."

December 17th, 1994

"After being extremely depressed that I had no money, Job etc. - got three calls in one day - 3 portraits for American Brewer [Magazine], a cartoon commission from [Dorothy] Bartlett, and a commission (Sharon McCray) to do logo design for the Master Gardener International Conference in 1996 young man wearing knit cap with L.A. logo with sullen look and State-wide MG [conference] for '95. Needless to say lifted my spirits considerably." [Drew a young man on a B.A.R.T. train December 17th, 1994]

December 28th, 1994

"Finished the Barlett commission - (12/22?)[see Dec 17th entry] a difficult job - finished 3 pic[ture]s for [Bill] Owens and then got more work - he fronted a $250 check - things much improved financially (and emotionally as a result).

K. let me have the girls last ths and F[riday] And (suprise of suprise) Fri[day] overnight - I wasn't really used to having the girls so much so it took a little getting used to - we got on each other's nerves a little bit and the girls got each others nerves a lot - but that's pretty much par for the course.

Carrie called Mon[day] and asked if I wanted to see them this Th[ursday] and F[riday] (the 30th, 31st) and of course I said yes.

Last Sun[day] (18th) went to S[an] Leandro North [our old congregation] [and] spoke to elders (found out they had "talked to" K.) George Fernandes mentioned that he had seen me (to [the] girls). Girls tell me that K. was "mad" that I had been there. She and girls had been to 1pm meeting. (she hadn't shown up Sat[turday night from work] until 11:40pm. It had been freezing cold and girls had to wait in truck [from 8pm the drop off time until 11:40] - that's primarily why I went to talk to elders). At meeting Juanita Stenson gave comments on 'listening to our brothers' and 'compassion'. HA! I guess despite my letter and pleas, K got away with it all [anyway]. I guess she's pretty pleased with herself and I am extremely disappointed at the terrible injustice of it all"